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14 Nov 13

A Monster Ate My Mum

A friend of mine , Jen or @intinctivemum ,  who I met through  twitter, had written a poem to try and verbalise what PND meant to her and as a way of explaining to her young children what it felt like to experience such a debilitating illness. It grew from there and took on a new life which has manafested itself into a book that the PND community ,very badly needs. She then asked if I would review her book which I did on my main blog over at  www.daftmamma.co.uk and I have to say that the words took my breath away. I never really knew that there was a way to express what it is like, to a child in order that they understand and comprehend things but that day when I received it and sat down to read it to my 6year old, it opened up a dialogue […]

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05 Nov 13

Recovery Part One

I must apologize for not blogging and kind of leaving you all in the lurch but I have had a busy couple of months which has stopped me from writing more. Anyway, here is something different for you all today… Yes, I know that my posts have so far been “depressing” but I would invalidate my experience if I didn’t talk about the lows and it would also invalidate the experience that a lot of you readers are having or have had. Ok, back to the recovery part of my post… I can’t pin point a day as such but a series of events which led me to where I was able to stop crying and start doing. It was something that took a lot of time, medication as mentioned previously and patience from those involved… I think my guiding light number one(because I had many), was my male health […]

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08 Oct 13

The day I started to recover

That’s what I felt like the moment I walked into my new doctors surgery the day that I made the decision to change doctors, as my previous doc wanted me, in the midst of my depression, to practice breathing techniques. Don’t get me wrong, I am a great believer in alternative therapies, and one day I will qualify and practice them, but I needed something more. I was looking for medication to stabalise my mood and to get on an even keel. Sadly I was not given them, which led to my decision to change surgeries. When I walked into my new surgery, I was met with a cold stare and an abrupt attitude from the receptionist behind the glass screen. I was having one of my dark days, the type of day when you just want to stay in bed and not have to face the world. I was […]

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04 Sep 13

The Fear

You know what I’m talking about.. the one where you think that if you admit to how you feel, that someone will come and take away the children because you thinkl that you can’t function daily without crying, shouting or feeling like you are going to lose your mind. The  fear that many who suffer post natal depression/anxiety/psychosis have and no matter what anyone says, the fear.. the little voice that grows bigger and bigger each day which takes over logic and reason, talks to you and gets louder and louder until you can’t think of anything else. Its the feeling that convinces you that there is no way out, the days might be sunny and bright but all you feel from the moment you wake up until you fall asleep, is nothing.. that there will always be this emptiness and loss of enthusiasm. You don’t see the colors in […]

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28 Aug 13

Pregnancy, Antidepressants & Guilt

Sertraline,Fluoxetine,Peroxetine, Angeline? I see a song forming here  … What was your choice? Mine was fluoxetine which I had been on during the first episode of PND which really helped calm me down and help me to slow down my thoughts but during my pregnancy I was changed to a new drug called Sertraline and it helped. There is a lot of bad press when it comes to taking anti depressants whilst pregnant but as I learned, the risks are very much few and far between and if there are some side effects, they can be dealt with IF they happen and that includes any issues with the heart.. I had to weigh it up in my mind as to what was more detrimental.. my mental health declining rapidly and having an effect on my daughter and relationship with my husband..or dealing with a new born with possible withdrawal symptoms […]

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26 Aug 13

Postnatal depression – the truth

      Waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, your back tense due to anxiety and stress, you have this overwhelming fear that this is how you are going to be for the rest if your life … the tears come , the hopelessness,  the anger and the question of “why me?” the self loathing because why not you? People go through tragedy every day, some people are unable to have children and you have been blessed with two perfectly healthy babies. Stop being so selfish, get on with it pull up your socks and stop feeling sorry for yourself! These are thoughts that I once had, every day. Sleep was an escape, anger was my friend and thoughts were my enemy. I felt for sure that I would not go through PND again because I KNEW who to speak to , what to […]

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About Coping with postnatal depression…

Hi, my name is Angeline and I am mum to two kids, ages 6 months and 6 yrs. I had postnatal depression with both kids and prenatal depression with one. I have decided to write about my experience in order to help break stigmas relating to perinatal mental health, and actively campaign to see changes to services available for both men and women.

I am open and honest about my experience and, although it was a very dark time in my life, I want people to know that you can overcome this and there is light on those dark days.